I am so blessed.
I might not have a boyfriend. I might not be making enough money to get myself out of debt. I might feel a bit overweight right now... but I am surrounded by such amazing, strong and loving people that is sometimes makes it impossible to feel bad about myself, like, ever.
I sat up last night and thought hard about the relationships I have right now. I have felt alone more times than not... it is hard for me to open up to people. To trust them enough to let them inside and see the real me... not the party girl or the joke-cracker, or even the mysterious and aloof girl who is attached to nothing. The ball breaker. One of the guys. All those things comprise me, but they aren't me entirely. It's a facade. I am insecure. I am unsure. I lie about stupid things. I gossip. I can be petty and shallow. ... but right now I have made such strong connections that all the imperfections don't matter. I finally let a few people in.
ROB. My brother. My best guy friend. My support. Lifts me up when I am down. Makes me feel beautiful. Has the most amazing conversations with me. The smartest guy I know. The most loving guy I know. Gives out perfectly timed and aimed compliments. Can swing dance like a son-ofa-bitch. He told me this weekend how much I mean to him and that I am the only person he can come to with a lot of things. For someone like him to put that much trust in me made me feel so important. People are forever telling us we are going to end up together. And we will, maybe not in a husband/wife scenario, but he will always be in my life. He loves me. And I love him. I would marry him if it weren't for that pesky desire to have sex. As he so thoughtfully put it on Saturday night, "Could you imagine rolling over the THIS every morning?"
MOLLY. I was wary of her at first because she is one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen. I figured she would be stuck-up but she is so sweet. So genuine. So thoughtful. Puts others ahead of herself. Makes me feel beautiful. One night, her and Rob told me such amazing things about myself and made me cry in the middle of a bar (tears of joy). But I have felt stronger and more loved ever since. She sees me the way I wish I could see myself, but she is helping me to get there. I wish she had more confidence, because she is amazing and deserves to feel amazing about herself. She is my little sister in a world where I have 2 actual sisters, but feel more protective and that I have much more in common with her. I can't wait for this summer with her. I can't wait to go see an ice show where I can see her jump and flip and twirl and show that side of herself that she has dedicated her life to, but I have never really gotten to see. I am going to miss her so much when she is in Korea that it hurts.
PRISCILLA. The strongest girl I know. Would give the shirt off her back for her friends. Has such a positive and infectious energy. AN AMAZING DANCER. She has been through so much shit in her life, but she is the first one there with words of encouragement and a hug. She tells people she loves them everytime she says goodbye. I have never been comfortable doing that until I met her. And for that, I thank her endlessly. It is so important that people know how you feel about them. She will be one of my best friends for years to come. I have only hung out with her and Molly for a short time, but sometimes, you just know about people. They just fit into your life. And they get you.
JESSI. I don't think I can fit into a paragraph all Jessi has meant to me throughout these past 7 years. She is my best friend. She is my rock. I could go 6 months without seeing her, but when I do, nothing has changed. Inside jokes aplenty. Wonderful memories, some of the best of my life. Someone I can go to with any problem, and she is always there with an "Oh Bethany. It'll be ok." I wish she was closer. I miss living with her. I miss seeing her everyday. She is amazing.
KATIE. Out of all the girls I hung around this summer, I knew she was the one I would try to stay close to. So down-to-earth. So lovable. So kind. So smart. She has recently fallen in love and it couldn't have happened to a more deserving and amazing person. She is very loyal. She gives it to you straight. She is so positive and fun to be around. She volunteers! She always thinks of other people before herself. The poor girl has a hard time fitting all the people in that want to spend time with her because there are many. I wish I got to see her more often,
MARTY & CRAIG. Yes, they can be pigs. They sometimes say stuff that makes my mouth drop open. But, man, they are funny as hell! I am always entertained. Marty even made me pee my pants once (shhh!) They have this rough and totally testosterone-driven exterior, but I have seen how wonderful and sensitive they can be as well. They would do just about anything for someone they care about. They both blow me away with their intelligence and insight. I love those guys.
CASEY. I have ALWAYS wanted a brother. Casey is a close as I'll ever get. He is simple in a wonderful way. He will never lie to you. He does not play games. He is so driven. So smart. He loves life. Such a great roommate. You always know where you stand. He is so positive and that positivity has rubbed off on me.
There has been many people that have meant so much to me in this life. Julie, Jason, Vinnie, Megan S, Natalie, Derek, Corey, Jen, Megan H... but the above people are the ones I see all the time. The ones I reflected on last night after having such an amazing weekend with them (sans Jessi, but I had to include her!) It got a bit sappy up in here. But it felt good. It was feelings I wanted out there... in a forum where I can look back and read it when I forget how much someone means to me.