No joke, ya'll... That new Madonna album is TIGHT.
I've spent the better part of my day downloading it. I just have this vision of the illegal download cops tracking me down via LimeWire and taking me away in hand cuffs in front of all my co-workers after they discover I have 4,893 songs on my iTunes. I don't know what would be more embarrassing... the at-work arrest or the cops finding Burning Down The House as sung by Tom Jones and The Cardigans in my iTunes library
So, I had me a dandy 'lil weekend. Chock full of quality family time. Sista came up north to get me at noon on Wednesday. I finished my shit as quickly as possible and hustled into my former beloved Prison Pete so we could beat the holiday traffic. And we did.
She dropped me at my parent's abode. I heated up some crispily delicious El Monterey Taquitos, grabbed some fat free sour creme and a glass of my favorite Oliver Soft Red wine and plopped my rapidly expanding ass on the couch.
Lo and behold, Shrek 2 was on HBO Signature and there was a book of crossword puzzles on the end table. I was in hog heaven!
It's so nice to go back to a place where you are taken care of. Where any whim can be filled and any hunger quelled. Where socks are plentiful and I can get a free new head for my Crest Spin brush. And I was alone. Well, alone with kitties, one of which likes to sit on people's necks. I have never met a lesbian cat with a penchant for humping. She's neat.
Direct TV and their 732 channels make my head hurt. All I need is MTV, VH1, TBS, ABC, E! and UPN for America's Next Top Model. But I happened to fall in love with a man named Tivo. Well, actually Direct TVs slightly less flashy Tivo rip off, but he satisfied me greatly, none the less.
So for my birthday/Christmas, I shout from the rooftops, TIVO PLEASE!
And some perfume. I am sick of Sunflowers. It is SOOOO 10th grade! Any olfactory suggestions?
So my weekend consisted of local bars, long lost faces, Oprah and That 70's Show on rip-off Tivo and a heapin' helpin' of fried turkey. That shit is THE BOMB! BOOM! Looka my fat belly! You haven't tasted heaven until you've gnawed on the crispy skin of the Meleagris Gallopavo. Yuuuuuu-may!
Time for pictures!
Kid-tested, Sista approved.
My firecracker of a grandma copped to driving drunk. I took this post-confession.
Who's winning, grandpa?
A scary glimpse into my 30's.
Two of the nights I was there, we descended on the Northwest Indiana bar scene. It was fun. Smoky as all get out, but fun. And boy was it cheap! $2.75 for a vodka Red Bull? Oh, it's rip-off Red Bull (notice a theme here?). But on the specials board, it plainly states "RED BULL." Oh you, can't read? I'm sorry. Hooked On Phonics worked for me!
Sista tends to get out of line.
"Oh, my new potential boyfriend is ever-so-dreamy!"
It's time to go wolf down a Monte Cristo, don't you think?
So, sista and I and the boys who love us headed off the Round The Clock for some down-home Indiana cookin'. 4 meals for $22? Remind me why the fuck I live in Chicago!!! I'd be ballin' anywhere else!
So, in a nutshell, that's my weekend. I've been busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest. Fuck, that's over-used. Sorry. My room is a shambles, I am running out of underwear, I need a haircut and I am losing weight from stress and not having time to eat or sleep. But I'd trade a slim waist for dark circles, anyday. That's what Cover Girl is for.