Get up at 5am... take a shower... put makeup on and try to find some non-denim pants to wear with a loose, dark colored sweater... pack the jello pudding into my Sherpa bag... drive one hour in the dark, getting cut off by semis at every turn... scan and tone pictures... try and find pictures... find somewhere cheap to eat... scan and tone pictures... try and find pictures... drive one hour home... watch Days of Our Lives on tape... stand in front of the fridge for an hour trying to find something I don't have to cook... watch pre-prime time shows... watch prime time shows... curl up beneath my satin sheets... try to sleep but keep the TV on in case something interesting should come on (it never does)... drift off into a fitful sleep where ex-boyfriends and college days haunt me... press the snooze three times... get up at 5am...
This is my life. Dave Matthews once sang, "The future is no place, to place your better days."
That is all I am doing.
I find myself thinking (but never saying aloud, because I am alone 90% of the time) man, when THIS happens, everything will be fun again. When I move downtown, when I get a boyfriend, when I get some money saved up, when I meet an engaging group of friends... blah, blah, blah.
When is all this shit going to happen? When everyone comes out of their caves and back into the sunlight?
Why am I living in the one place I have avoided the past seven years?
Why did I avoid it?
Why can't I ever be happy where I am and with what am I doing?
I always feel like there is something out there I am missing, something I am not fortunate enough to be privy to.
People are out there living their lives and I am sleepwalking through mine.
Must resolve this issue.
Dave Attell's "Insomniac" is a MUST WATCH. Comedy Central. Basically, he goes to different cities doing his standup act and then tours around the city, poking fun at its seedy, after-hours underbelly. Last night, he was hanging out with bounty hunters in Kansas City, MO. Is there any finer recipe for comedy?
I have also recently discovered how much I love "That 70s Show." It has been there for so long, and I have only begun to partake in the fruits of its syndication. That gawky Topher Grace is so cute... there is just something about him. I saw him in millenium gear in "Ocean's Eleven", but I prefer him in his geeky-ass 70's attire. I love nerds.