Oh DEAR LORD. What is this world coming to? I mean honestly, when I hear stories like this it makes me weep for the future of this country. How are you going to stab someone over some 99 cent french fries? Sick ass White Castle french fries no less! You could get some crinkle cut Ore-Idas from Aldi for a fuckin' quarter. Same damn thing. White Castle french fries aren't worth even flicking someone's nuts! Burker King fries are maybe worth a nut-flicking. Arby's curly fries with cheese are worth a putting a staple in someone's ass for sure.
Good weekend. Friday night was pure debauchery. I met my home girl Sandy out on some rooftop bar where she had been engaging in meaningless conversations with much older gentleman who were plying her with drinks. So then they turned their drink-plying on me, who was more than happy to oblidge. After we decided to look for men a little less... geriatric, we went on the Hunt Club, an overcrowded wanna-be clusterfuck. I danced with some guy who was 6'10. I got on my tippy toes and gave him a 'lil suga... but then had to go meet the roommates girlfriend (we'll call her slut-bag, she likes that) at the front door. She rules and I am ever-so-happy she met me out. After scoring some more drinks and taking a few shots, we headed off to The Hang Uppe, my usual late-night bar of choice. Things got hazy. 80's music. Shots. Men coming from all sides. Square dancing? Shit, I don't know. I vaguely remeber getting in some random car that had red leather interior with the slut-bag riding shot gun and me in the back with some random cutie pie that was trying to kiss me. Did I kiss him back? What do you think!?!?! So we go to some random store in the middle of no where (if somewhere in the Loop can be considered the middle of nowhere) and we pick up some much unneeded cigarettes and Red Bull. We walk over to the guys apartment and tell them we'll be right up after we finish our cigarettes. Since the sun was coming up and slut-bag had to behave and I didn't feel the need to have our throats slit by these randoms, we found a cab and got the hell out of there. We had a nice lil heart-to-heart on my porch and then it was time to shove off to la-la land.
Since the roommate and his man didn't drag their lame asses out the night before, they were up at the butt-crack of dawn making noise, so up I got. Forget the fact I only had 4 hours of sleep and they had 10+. It's fucking circus time! Shit. I laid on the couch, hating life, not realizing I should be on the beach due to the fact it was GOR-GEOUS outside. My pasty epidermis is cursing me now, but it will be sorry when I develop a maliginant melinoma, or as I like to call it, an M&M.
Saturday was RAN-DOM. I headed to an ex-neighbors for a Flip Cup and rum soaked pineapples. The queen of Flip Cup was de-throned. I guess I have to be with the right crowd in order to shine. When that bash wound down, I sauntered back home and made mulitple phone calls, most of which were not returned right away. Thinking I was going to be stuck at my apartment alone all night, I flipped out a little bit until Sandy called me to come over to her sisters. I really knew no one, but for once I made the necessary small talk to engage in the group. My abs still hurt a bit from laughing so hard at Sandy's interpretive dance to Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse Of The Heart." The drama! The passion! The flexibilty! The girl was crawling around and doing friggin' backbends. She had the crowd in hysterics.
We then piled 8 girls into a cab and headed to Rockit, my new favorite spot, where these dorky dickwads infiltrated our group and pleaded with us to go sing karioke with them at their place. Um, no. I'd rather give myself an enema, thankyouverymuch. I then ran into an ex-roomie who I was glad to see. it had been awhile. We tried to decide between heading off with him and his friends to a late night bar or going back to Sandys. I looked over for her for input and she stumbled backwards, eyes crossed. So... heading home it was. I shacked over there on her plush velvet couch and hung with her the whole next day. This girl is awesome. I always feel so positive and chipper around her... maybe I should just hire her to follow me around and tickle me all day.
I am heading the Cubs game tonight, my third game this season. For a girl that basically went to every night game last year, that is pretty damn pathetic.
I am eating microwave Mac & Cheese with a spork right this minute. Impressed?