So... hello. How was everyone's New Years? Mine was emotionally draining, yet surprisingly fun. I went into this weekend expecting the worst, and I was pleasantly surprised while at the same time, totally proved right. Confused? Me too.
Historically, for me at least, New Years Eve has always been completely WRETCHED. For the past four years (I can't recall any New Years Eve's before 2000. Shit, I take that back. NYE 1999---2000 was awesome. I was in Ybor City in Tampa. We were Y2OK, and I made a man out of a senior in high school in the back of a friend's Surburban. But that's a whole other story.) I have had a horrendous losing streak when it came to NYE. 3 years ago, I had just moved back from Arizona. I was fat, depressed and had recently broken up with the man I thought I was going to marry. I spent that night in Indianapolis, bar hopping with some college friends. Everyone was coupled up except me and another girl, who was outlandishly trying to woo every man in sight. Me? I wasn't in the mood. I cut out early and spent the night crying myself to sleep on a dingy sofa in a scary corner of a friend's basement. I felt huge spiders crawling on me all night. Whether they actually were or not... Who the fuck cares? The night ROYALLY BLEW.
The next year, I had moved from Indianapolis to Chicago, but was still residing at my parent's house since I had no money and a craptastic, soulless job I absolutely detested, I went back to Indy every chance I got. Purdue went to some sub-par Bowl Game, per usual, so I started drinking at 3pm while watching the game at my friend Todd's house. By 6pm, I was celebrating a victory by taking shots... alone. By 7pm, I was doing somersaults around the living room. By 8 pm, I was calling everyone in my cell phone list telling them how fucking great Purdue is and how they are losers because they didn't go to school there. By 8:30, I was speaking in toungues. By 9:00, I was passed out cold. Annoyed, my friends left me there to die. I awoke at 12:15 to an empty house. When I realized (like I didn't know already) what an asshole I was, I started to cry. I could not get ahold of anyone and spent the rest of the night alone. By 3am, people came back and laughed at me. I was still crying.
Then last year, I topped myself. I had been living downtown for a considerable amount of time and has amassed a great group of girlfriends. Since my boyfriend at the time was in New York with his family, I decided to get silly drunk with my girls. He was not a big fan of going out and partying anyway, so I saw this as my opportunity to get buck wild. I went to a party at Bordos, which much to my surprise, there were a TON of Purdue people there. I attached myself to a football player I had a class with and we started trying to match each other shot for shot. Me vs a damn ex-linebacker. Guess who won? Well... it wasn't me. A-duh! By 11:00, I was puking on myself in a dark corner, right after making out with this guy. Good thing I didn't puke BEFORE making out with this guy. By 11:30, I had been kicked out. My friend and her boyfriend had to get in a cab and escort me home. So they missed the countdown. I left my brand new, just-got-for-Christmas leather coat there. They dropped my sorry ass off, but lost everyone we were with. I bet they remembered me fondly this year... I no longer talk to them. I woke up in my shoes, earrings still in and face and arm sticky from regurgitated Jagermeister at 2pm the next day. I have never felt so sick and disgusting in my entire life. My coat was gone. So was my pride.
So, I went into this NYE with extreme intrepidation. I have a larger group of friends. I have a great boyfriend. I had all sorts of options. None of them sounded great at all. After coming off having Thursday and Friday off, I was on a high. I had spent that time with Dio and it was amazing. We went to dinner. Held hands. Gazed into each others eyes. Layed around in bed. But my favorite part of those days was sitting in my room, him going through my iPod and getting excited about the selection of music I had on there. Music is his life. He is an incredibly talented DJ and is learning to play the guitar and drums. I am also very passionate about music, so they fact we share the same taste in important to both of us. I guess it finally hit me how much this boy has come to mean to me. I went out Friday night feeling giddy and elated. The fact is was like 60 degrees helped out a bunch. I walked home that night floating on a cloud of bliss. Retch. Sorry.
The next morning, I called him to find out the plan for that night. He informed me he just wanted to stay home and attend yet another family party but that I should go out with my friends and have fun. I was devastated. I know he told me before that he hates NYE and usually stays in, but I guess I expected him to just want to be with me that night. I spent most of the day on the phone with him in tears, talking in circles, trying to convince him to come out. I can't remember being in a more horrible mood than I was on Saturday. I tried to get out of my apartment and go watch the Purdue bowl game with friends, but it was a half hearted effort. Then I threw myself into shopping for an outfit, even when I wasn't 100% of where I was going. That just made me feel fat and pale. Then I came home and picked a fight with Daddy over Sex & The City DVDs. I sat in my room and felt rotten. It seemed like this NYE was getting ready to align with its predessecors. Finally, after drinking 3 glasses of Franzia, I snapped out of my funk and started to get ready. I donned my lowest cut shirt, curled my hair to perfection and informed my girls I would be over in two shakes of a lambs tail. I wasn't going to let the man get me down. Even though I felt the two people I care most about in this world right now wanted nothing to do with me, I was determined to get out there and have some damn fun. Before I left, I made sure to send Dio and provocative picture via camera phone to show him what he was missing.
Once I got over to my friend's place and started downing some Red Bull and Kettle One, I felt MUUUUUUUUCH better. That was compounded when Dio called to tell me he wished he would have come out and spent the time with me instead. I felt the tables were turned. I was happy he expressed how much he wanted to be with me... I felt as if I could go on with my night and feel assured of our relationship. He sounded a bit pitiful, and while I felt bad, I was a bit happy, since I was so miserable earlier in the day.
I talked my girls into going to a party I had been Evited to by some of the people from my Dorm days. It was great! Want proof?
Do I look like I am having fun?
Things got a bit blurry around 11:30... but I got a call from Dio and went to the bathroom to investigate. He said he hoped I was having fun and that he missed me terribly. Instead of a New Year's resolution, I had a New Year's revelation: I love Dio. I really do. My inhibitions diminished, I chose to blurt it out, locked in a bathroom stall, line forming to the left. But it could not have been more perfect. He immediately responded "Oh my God! I love you too! I really do." He went on to tell me he has been feeling that way for quite some time but didn't want to tell me for fear of scaring me off. He knows I don't throw that word around and wanted to make sure I felt the same way. I can not describe the rush I felt just then. No matter what happened the rest of the night, I knew at that moment, things were only going to get better from here. I couldn't wait to start this year. All the plans we have made didn't seem so abstract now. There is a definite future here and I am excited to see what it brings.
The NYE demons caught back up to me and tried to ruin the rest of my night, but I said FUCK YOU, ain't nobody bringing me down! Shots galore. Toasts galore.
Things... getting... hazy... Wandering down the stairs. Wandering to the next apartment building over. Losing all my friends. Bar closing. Credit card still inside. No cash. Phone dies. Stuck in a vestibule. Flag down cab. Long ride home. Knowing I am sans cash. Planning to run from cab. Telling him to pull up to Walgreens. Pretending to use ATM. Realizing Capital One card is with me. Sticking it in ATM, knowing this will not yield me any cash... but lo and behold, it does! A $20 spits out. Turning around and kicking the NYE demons square in the nuts! Take that you little fuckers!
I got home safely. I woke up the the tail end of a streak of 17 missed calls from Dio. He was worried and was checking to see if I made it home in one piece. He headed over and we proceeded to spend a gushy gushy consecutive 24 hours. So I am coming off a bit of a high. Is it Monday? Yes. Does it suck outside? Yes. Am I bored right now? Hell yes. But all of that is ok. I have a vision of this upcoming year and it is beautiful. And I am in love.
Aaah, Daddy just called. Our fight is over. And all is right with the world.