I feel like something someone scraped off the bottom of their shoe.
And I look like it too.
I woke up at 8:30 and was in my chair in my office by 9:09. Bus ride took 16 minutes. You do the getting ready time math.
Friday was kind of blah. Went to visit Momo at her place of employment and sampled some $5 martinis. I discovered the joys of my new favorite drink, the flirtini. Holy crap, that's yummy!
We quickly grew disenchanted with the shorty-wanna-be-a-thug frat boys and headed to greener pastures. But in the psuedo Boys town neck of the woods, greener pastures weren't to be had. So we threw in the towel and called it a night around 12:30.
Saturday was my families 30th annual family reunion. I was in full stress mode, thinking we were going to be very late and that heads were going to roll. You see, I somewhat volunteered Dio to DJ the event and my mother was expecting us to arrive around 12pm to set up the music and get the party rolling. Well, we ended up being an hour and a half late, but my mom must have popped her Prozac that morning, because she seemed just fine with it.
I drug H along with me so she could witness the sheer joy and beauty that this event always inspires. She seemed thrilled. Dio decided to bring his whole dog and pony show, so my parent's were very impressed with his professionalism. I had spent some time making a 9 hour long song list that had a little something for all ages on my iPod the past few weeks, so it was I that DJed the party for the most part. I just used Dio for his "equipment."
My dad insisted on putting on the Greek music early on to warm up the crowd with some traditional dancing. I threw a bit of a hissy fit, but then I choked down some lamb and feta and took a coupla shots of Ouzo and was over it.
My parents are so fucking cute.
My usually reserved father must have taken a coupla shots of Ouzo himself because he pulled me out on the dance floor/driveway and tried to get me to do that Greek dance that even Joey Fatone, an Italian, could do at the end of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. My dancing skills were put to shame and I looked like one awkward idiot.
My reaction after finding out Dio had been taking pictures of the whole indiscretion. Oh well. You people all know I am an effen dork anyway. This shouldn't come as a shock.
As the sun dipped, we busted out more dancy-dancy music. When "Rapper's Delight" came on, Sista decided to break into her perfect imitation of "The Re-Run." SHIT SHIT SHIT! I have video of this. She goes from doing The Re-Run into The Robot. IT IS PRICELESS. And dummy me forgot to upload the video to the computer at home so I would have it to post today. Well, Monday is now ruined. I am going to post it tomorrow. Please come back. I will make it worth your while. I will post naked pictures of Camilla Parker-Bowles. Don't even think that I ain't serious.
Man, she really entertained the shit out of us.
Wow, a simple hair brushing and this could have been a cute picture. Dio really likes it Greek Style.
Sista really freaks me out when she does "The Tampon Dance." Don't ask. It's an inside joke that, trust me, you don't want to be on the inside of.
AAAAAAAAH!
There was cute widdle babies running around EVERYWHERE! And all their mother's are 3-4 years younger than me!
It is really disheartening, but I have absolutely ZERO maternal instinct. Except when it comes to puppies. In 20 years, I am going to be one of those lonely old hags you see walking 5 dogs and talking to them as if they were my children. "No Buddy! Now you sit down here and be a good boy! Do you want to be on a time out!?!?!" Count on it.
When most of the older people vacated, Dio decided it was time to turn it out on the Ones and Twos...
He got the lights going, the bass pounding and the neighbors pissed.
Basically, my sister's friends took over the reunion.
The driveway/ dance floor turned into a rave. There was a fun little light show, odd mixed drinks, barbituates, and glow sticks. And chubby girls in too tight clothing doing the bump and grind with guys that didn't know any better. Or that were super f'ed up. I danced around like a heretic and laughed at the wacky antics of my sista from atop Dio's speakers.
It was a fun day and night. A big shout out to my boy for layin' it down. Also props to H for hanging in there with me. We did it girl! Also a big word-up to Sista for making my abs sore due to laughing. I needed the work out.
Dio and I slept in until 11:30 and it felt AWESOME. Since my plans to go to Fox Lake fell through due to boat malfunction, I decided to spend the whole day with Dio. We layed in bed for a bit. We were reviewing the photos from the night before when I realized I still had some room on my camera.
CLICK!
BITCH!
HRMPH!
Then he decided to get into my make-up. Don't get me wrong, I love his sensitive and feminine side, but isn't that a little much?
Until I saw how he applied it...
He cracks me up.
I promised him I wouldn't post any of this. Hello! Don't you know how much water my promises hold by now?!?!?!
Then he discovered the clip I use to blow dry my hair. He called it a "snapper."
He did his best T-Rex imitation.
He said if his hand ever gets amputated "I don't want a hook, I want a snapper!"
The rest of the day was not as entertaining. We drove all his equipment back to his place. We lounged in his room and watched TV. I got a 5 second back rub (thanks, dude!) and we ate pizza with his family. VH1's Celebreality rules! Sunday night is the best television ever! Between Extreme Home Makeover, Family Guy and VH1, I don't know what I should be watching when. Thank God VH1 plays the same shows over and over for weeks!
The new Surreal Life? Not as good as last season. No Peter Brady abs to ogle! No Mini-Me groaning! No Adrian Curry nudity! Blah. Balki is fucking gross. Hair Club For Men? Look into it. Basically, it is 3 prissy drama queen bitches (Omarosa, Janice, Caprice) 2 laid back people (Carey and Pepa) and two nasty perverts (Jose and Balki) I am sorry, I don't find Jose Canseco hot AT ALL. His body is gross. I like my men softer and leaner. His hair is gross, all slicked back and shit with L.A. Looks gel. Nice stone washed jeans, dork!
Well, it is now 11:45 and I have not done one stitch of work. This shit is time consuming. I plan on laying out on the beach during my lunch hour today, but if that is going to happen, I need to get crackin'! Come back tomorrow for that video. And Camilla Parker-Bowles buck ass naked, of course.