I was going to have a happy entry today. I was in a great mood. I have a fun weekend coming up and enough money to enjoy it. I am pretty tan and pleasantly sore from working out. And my hair looks fabulous.
But...
This morning I got a very, very sad e-mail from my good buddy Rob:
From: Rob <*******@***.com> ...to ruin a beautiful Friday morning, but you need to read this: I gasped in shock and sadness. Mitch Hedburg... who I absolutely love for his dry humor and hilarious one-liners, is dead. I am beside myself with grief. I have all of his stuff downloaded on my iTunes and I listen to it weekly. So, here is my tribute to Mitch Hedburg. I love you man. Rest in peace. "I think Pringle's started out to make tennis balls," one bit begins. "But on the day the rubber was supposed to arrive, a truck full of potatoes showed up. But Pringle's is a very laid-back company. They said, 'Fuck it! Cut 'em up!'" My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head. An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience." I like cinnimon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnimon roll incense. After all I'd rather light a stick and have my roommate wake up with false hopes. I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut.� To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D". A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up. I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary. The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty. I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others. I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah." I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that day... Fetticini Alfredo is Macroni and Cheese for adults." I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow shit. I wake up in the morning and make myself a bowl instant oatmeal and then I don't do shit for an hour. Which makes me wonder why I got the instant oatmeal. I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.
Date: Fri, 1 Apr 2005 08:13:54
To: "'Bethany'"
Subject: Hate to be the guy
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7356287/