This has happened to me at least 10 times in the past few weeks. Something will happen to me, or I'll have a certain flash of thought and think "God damn, that would make a GREAT entry!"
10 minutes later, I have forgotten all about it.
So here I am, sitting before my notepad, typing away but unsure about what to type.
I faintly remember having a thought while I was on the elliptical machine on Monday. See, I am trying my damndest to lose some weight before this wedding I am attending on April 30th. Dio tells me I look good. That I don't need to lose weight, but like every other female out there, I feel like I could look SO MUCH BETTER without these love handles. Without this slight emergence of a double chin. And this feeling is compounded when I see a girl on TV or wherever being referred to as fat or chubby and I think "Great Caesar's Ghost, she's the same size as me!"
Girls, are you with me on this one?
For instance, I was watching the finale of Celebrity Fit Club (I know, I know) and Mia Tyler was up there before the judges, looking almost the same size as when she started. But she says "I hit my goal, I am wearing size 11 jeans!"
I looked at her and she still looked damn chubby to me... but then I thought, HOLY HELL, I wear a size 10 jean! I think she is 5'10 like me! Is that what I would look like on TV?
It's weird. I see myself in my full length mirror and I think, "Not too shabby Bethany." But then I'll see a picture from later that night. More chins have emerged. My nose has taken on epic proportions. I can see the bulge around my belly button through my shirt.
I mean, it isn't anything Photoshop can't take care of, but I wish I could take and like a full body shot, Photoshop smudge tool free.
So Costco, thanks for the $140 worth of discount health food. Bally's, I am coming back to you. 4 days a week. Count on it.
I woke up at 3:17AM on Monday morning and could not fall back asleep for the life of me. I came across a infommercial for this. It's only $9.95! And you get so much! Gunnar Peterson may be able to help me out. If he can help J. Lo make that booty bounce, I bet he could rid me of these lose handles for good. I plan on finding out.
I swear, never watch an infommerical. I am weak. I am easily swayed. I am the perfect sucker. I am their target audience.
When I lived in Arizona, I gained a bunch of weight. Too much laying on a raft in my pool and consuming Starburst sherbert. I was fat, but totally tan! Anyway, I saw an infommerical for this and I bought it right away. Fuck me! They charged me $130 for this back on 2001, and now it is going for $29?!?!?! I think that must be because it is a total piece of shit that doesn't work worth a rat's tiny ass. All it did was electrocute me if I didn't lube it enough. Ha!
My mother has also fallen prey. She bought my sister and I the Split-Ender off an infommerical, and now you can buy it for $15 at any Walgreens. I never use the damn thing either. Sorry mom.
How did I end up writing about infommericals? I suck.
So, for your viewing pleasure... my weekend photos!
This is the only photo I got from my hazy Friday night. Pretty hot, huh? Sandy, I can see your fillings! And Karen... keep up the great writing, because you don't make a convincing lesbian.
These are the pictures I took on Saturday at our pre-St. Patty's booze extravaganza. Be warned... I will have more green shirted photos to post on Friday. Chicago and Boston have to be the is the only cities that celebrate St. Patrick's Day for a whole week.
Dio looks so cuuuuuute! The girl is my roomie Christine.
My feelings about Daddy read so clearly on my mug. Oops!
Chris and the busboy. We laughed for 10 minutes after Daddy took this. I think a green card marriage is now in the works.
Aw, this is a framer.
Gimme some sugar, sugar.
Yeah, he doesn't smoke. I am showing this to his mother.
Anything else? OH YEAH!
Please, please, please, to everyone who reads this today, leave your favorite song or a song you think I should download in my comments section! I am on a mission to get 2,000 more songs. Holla!
Ooh! One more thing... have you noticed that each Eminiem song that comes out is slightly worse than the one that came out before it? He is sliding down a slippery slope of crappiness so fast he probably has windburn. I used to love him... but if I hear the name Hailey in one more dang blasted rap of his I swear... well, there is not much I can do about it. Except change the station. So take that. You suck!
Random Fact Of The Day: Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.