For those of you that didn't see SNL this weekend, here is a little treat. Deliciously hilarious. I want to get the MP3 for my iPod!
Well, that was a nice and long weekend.
Fuck me sideways, I am 29. I better make the last year I am still in my 20's count. By this time next year, I will have achieved four objectives, mark my words. They are as follows:
1. I will have a new job so I can have an actual substantial savings account.
2. I will have a place of my own or a two bedroom with H where we will have a puppy and a working dishwasher.
3. I will be 15 to 20 pounds lighter.
And the one I can't really control, but is a nice idea...
4. I will be in a steady and mature relationship with someone I adore. Someone who shares many of my same passions, who has a separate life but also loves to be around me as much as possible. Someone who'll totally be a dork with me. And being 15 to 20 pounds lighter ASAP might make this a bit easier.
Anywoo, I had myself a nice little birthday. I went to Indiana on Thursday night to procure my father a portable DVD player at 6% sales tax as opposed to 9% here in good 'ol Chicago. I was going to venture out with her that night, but I decided getting ready and hanging out with 25 year olds could not compare to a bottle and a half of wine and Oprah on Tivo. So I stayed in.
The next morning, I went medieval on Old Navy's ass (and took advantage of my Gap discount) and bought a new pair of black knee high boots. Suede. Wedge heeled. Very stylish. Go me. Sista and I headed back to Chicago to get massages. How decadent! I felt so relaxed and warm afterwards. Kinda like the after-sex glow. TIGHT.
Then we met up with LL and Daddy to see Brokeback Mountain up in Evanston. And what did I think of it? Do you really care?
Of course you do. You're here, aren't you?
It was a bit slow paced. The acting came through body language, not words. It was tragic. I didn't bawl like I thought I would, but it made me feel sort of empty inside. True love is really a rarity in this world. These men were truly in love but let it slip away because of what society would think. They spent their lives absolutely miserable except when they were around each other. Life is supposed to be mostly happy only punctuated with bouts of sadness or tragedy. I guess the main thing I took away from this film is that if you find true love in this life, hold on to it. Even when it is hard as hell, the best things in this life are the ones worth fighting for.
So, I walked out of the theater wiping my eyes. And it was time to rush home to get ready for dinner. I spent so much time on my birthday in traffic, rushing from one place I had to be to another. Kind of stressful. I didn't fully relax until we were finally seated at dinner.
I got the the restaurant about 15 minutes late, but it didn't matter... the numb nuts manager gave our table away to someone else and they had my reservations under the name Lauren. See, the only reason I chose this restaurant, besides it convenient location, was because LL and I ate there a few weeks back and noticed a sign that said "Book You Birthday Here!" It said you get a birthday dessert, a photo, party favors and personalized sombrero.
Well, THEY LIED.
We got seated an hour late. There were no party favors. The only photos were the ones Daddy and I took. My birthday dessert was flan with whipped creme and a candle. And my personalized sombrero was made with puffy paint. It was still wet when they put it on my head. They misspelled my name. They put the name of the place on it huge, along with their phone number. �Esas putas! �Ellos arruinaron mis cumplea�os!
No, they really didn't. Even though it seemed like they could give a shit less about our party of 13, we still had a great time. The margaritas flowed. The profanities were flung. And of course, the Kodak Easy Share DX7630 was there to capture it all.
The entire group minus Mary, who is taking the photo and LL and her man. LL was quite sick and her wild ass was sorely missed.
I didn't get my bunny ears up high enough on Dio's big head. Daddy got 'em just right. And Cocktail appreciates the effort.
This looks like a lesbian Christmas card. Greetings from Andersonville! Tanya and I and our 7 cats want to wish you a A Very Merry Holiday season. See you at Home Depot!
Wow, those are some mighty big straws. More girth to suck you with, my dear...
Here is the 3,857 time I have made this stupid fucking face. Always seems like a good idea at the time, but it always ends so tragically.
It almost looks like this was on purpose for comedic effect, but alas, it was not.
Um, I am either about to sneeze or reveal the cure for cancer.
Cocktail had to depart early to attend an Ugly Holiday Sweater party, but isn't this a sweatshirt? He shoots... he misses!
I'm almost 30 and just pleased as punch!
Dio and sista seem so happy for me. Woo! I can blow out a single candle on some flan! There was no way in hell that tiny slab of flan could have held all my candles.
Sombrero, yo. Y'all better recognize!
After dinner, what was left of the party headed over to Wet on Halsted. It was D-E-A-D inside, but that's ok. We went to the back dance club part and snagged ourselves a Godfather booth. I had a few dirty martinis and decided it was time to get up in front of the entire group and bust some moves. I was the only one on the dance floor. Shut up, bitch! It's my birthday! I do what I want!
The only remaining photo from the club. We took quite a few, but my lack of memory card was a great disservice. Plus Dio felt the need to delete some incriminating photos without my permission. What a dick. Regardless, smoking is gross but it always seems like a great idea while imbibing.
People started dropping like flies and by 1am, the remaining 3 went to Durkin's, because I had the notion that I would find people I knew over there to buy me more drinks and fawn over me. I was WRONG! But I did get to swing dance to Sunday Morning by Maroon 5. Sista, Fulk and I shut that place down and headed home. And I went to bed. Alone.
I didn't get out of bed until 1pm the next day. I was a hot mess. All sista and I could do was watch the True Life marathon on MTV. We finally dragged our carcasses down the street to get a bite to eat. I had a scrumptious Monte Cristo and she noshed on some blintzes. On the way home, I bought The 40 Year Old Virgin for a ridiculously expensive price and we settled in to watch it. Go out two nights in a row? I'm almost 30! That's dreaming the impossible dream!
Sunday was chock full of LL, Bloody Mary's and Diane Keaton's 60 year old tits. So yeah, it was a good day.
Holy shit, this is awesome. Kudos to Mr. Umbarger.