Sorry I didn't post on Friday. My sister just wrote me an e-mail giving me shit. Jump outta my ass, biznatch! I left work early that day because I felt pretty sick.
Man, what a let down of a weekend.
I didn't get to attend my friend's wedding due to extreme congestion and nausea. I had been looking forward to this wedding for months! I felt like I'd been kicked square in the nuts... if I had nuts that is.
I was pretty much bed bound all weekend, but I started feeling better (and very hungry) on Sunday. So we headed over to Stanley's, which has a famous buffet on Sundays. Mashed potatoes, fried chicken, baked macaroni and cheese, bacon... all of which I gobbled up in record time. I immediately felt disgustingly sick. Like I has swallowed a whole sack of wet cement. We went back to watch TV and I moaned and whimpered like a whipped little puppy dog. Then the puking commenced.
Ex-roommate and Dio and I were preparing to watch THE PREMIERE OF FAMILY GUY. It was about 7:40. All of a sudden, a wave of nausea overtook me and I started to run towards the bathroom.
SLPAT!
Puke was everywhere. It smelled very fucking foul. It went all over my jeans and all over the hallway. I started to cry. Dio just sent me to take a shower and calmly cleaned up the disgusting mess I had made.
Cleaning up puke.
If that ain't love, I don't know what is.
He had to go to his car and get a mask from his trunk because it was so gross.
I kept yelling I was sorry while I took my shower of shame. I got done just in time to watch the first new episode of Family Guy that I have ever bore witness to. I only discovered this show last year on Adult Swim. I have been eagerly anticipating this day for months! And disappointed, I was not.
"Hey Jefferson.
Check it out.
Chick getting nailed on my head."
Fucking awesome. I love you Seth McFarlane.
Since I am super duper sad about missing the wedding this weekend, I almost don't want to post my wedding entry. But fuck it. I will anyway. Here goes:
What little girl hasn't dreamed about her wedding day? I used to put a pillow case on my head and walk down the driveway with poached flowers from the neighbor dangling in my clasped hands.
Step, step together, step, step together.
Pause.
Flash a smile and soak in the gasps of awe coming from all the guests at my sheer beauty.
But at the age of 28, the planning of a wedding seems like a completely foreign concept. That's for GROWNUPS! I have some sort of idea how I would like the day to go, but as for the specifics, like a groom, it's still pretty fuzzy.
Proposal-wise, I always envisioned a scenario involving Purdue football and the jumbotron and a cheering crowd of rowdy Boilermakers. But since I doubt I'll be marrying anyone from Purdue now that I am pretty far removed from campus and limit my interaction with Boilers to drinking at Durkin's, this might no longer be feasible.
Oh well. As long as the ring looks like this, I'd say yes to pretty much any proposal. In a public bathroom, in the sack, at McDonald's, via IM... wherever, whoever, whatever. I'm not very picky.
The bachlorette party will be very tasteful. No penis straws. No blow up penises. No suck-for-buck t-shirts. Just me, my girls and maybe a tiny dancer.
Speaking of my girls, I want to make sure they they all look gorgeous on my special day. I am not one of those brides that needs all the attention. Why shouldn't my friends and sister look really pretty too? Molly, I think that color will be just stunning on you. And the ruffles will really fill out that chest.
As for my dress, I like them simple. Some sort of corset-type top to minimize the love handle and to keep the chest in check, laced up the back, and a full skirt in some sort of off-white hue. I am not fooling anybody. I have the dress in mind... and an inkling about where I could get it. Of course, who knows what condition I'll be in when I get proposed to. It might involve a shot gun. So we'll see.
I'd like to keep my make-up minimal, my olive hued skin dark and my arms toned. I like voluminous hair and since my is getting thinner by the day, I'll most likely get some hair extensions. My hair will be so pretty and head-turning!
Now when it comes down to the actual day, I will probably be pretty nervous. I do tend to get pretty uptight sometimes. I might need a little something to take the edge off. I want to be relaxed. I want to be the most easy going and fun loving bride anyone has ever seen. I might need a little more help. It will be a great way to incorporate my much missed college days in with the most important day of my life.
I know I wouldn't be able to get through this very important day without the help of my super supportive friends and family. God bless them.
As for the location of the actual ceremony, I am more of spiritual person that a religious one. I am not one for organized religion, so I have no clue where I should be a married. I am thinking somewhere outdoors. At one with nature. In tune with the earth. And the earth is 70 percent water, so this might be fun.
I want our first kiss as man and wife to be magical, so right after we re-surface, we'll board the boat and do it right.
After we dry off, we'll take the necessary 7 hours it usually takes to capture some precious wedding photos. We'll then round up the wedding party and go take some more at a few beautiful outdoor locations. Then it will be time to head over to the reception. This is the part of the day I put the most thought into. The party part. I have VERY specific ideas about the food and the music.
Yes, live music is great, but for some reason, the caliber of bands that play weddings are not up to par with my musical taste. I'd rather hire a hot DJ instead. I'd have a very specific list of what to play and what not to play. DJs just love when you do that.
For example: Celebration, We Are Family, YMCA, Butterfly Kisses, The Cha Cha Slide, Chicken Dance (or any other sort of line dance of any type) are strictly BANNED. No one is going to boogie oogie oogie or put their left foot in and then take their right foot out at my soiree, no sir! We can most definitely celebrate tonight, c'mon, but if I hear one note of the actual song, I will throw a fucking temper tantrum. NO NO NO!
Bring on Moby, Frank Sinatra, Missy Elliott, anything with ODB, anything with a strong bass line and dirty lyrics. The more inappropriate, the better. I am not one for convention and I just adore offending people. We can all find out that night how many licks does it take til you get to the center of Lil Kim. I want the big booty hoes to hop with it! And all the hoochie mammas to hop with it!
As for the food, I am a meat eater. I love seafood and I love chicken. But since this is going to be a classy affair, maybe we could go with something more exotic. My guests won't be able to get enough! I am not going to be a cheap ass bitch, either. It'll be an open bar, baby! Drink up!
I am sure everyone will have a blast, and with all the liquor flowing and rump shaking, my guests might get a bit out of control ... but I wouldn't have it any other way! We'll party on 'til the break of dawn.
At some point, I'll probably sneak off and start opening gifts. I love getting presents, so I'll make sure to register at my favorite store so we can get exactly what we need.
Then it's off to the honeymoon! I am thinking somewhere tropical. I see palm trees, margaritas and plenty of beach time. Hammocks. Dancing under the stars. Massages. Hanging out with the locals. And of course, we'll take plenty of pictures to send our friends and family to let them know what a great time we are having.
My wedding is going to be perfect. My honeymoon is going to be romantic as hell. Each second will be a precious gift. Probably the kind of gift that keeps on giving.