You can't lose something you never really had...
That thought kept me awake last night. Kept me tossing and turning until 4am. A horrible thing... or a real blessing... happened to me on Saturday. It has happened to me before. It will probably happen to me again. I don't really know if I want children. I always find myself cringing when I hear them crying in a store, or annoyed when they are running around like little shitheads. I feel as if I have no maternal instinct, well except when it comes to dogs, Maybe I am just destined to be a dog lady. Perhaps it is not my destiny to reproduce. Everyone has a purpose on this Earth and not everyone has to be a mother, right?
I am just devastated that I might not even have the option. There is always adoption. There are so many needy children out there. This is just not the time. And the thought of being pregnant with some psycho's baby really frightened me. I can't be sad about this, but I can't help but think of the future. I am 27 years old and it is time to figure out who I am and what I want out of life.
The Dave Matthews concert was great. As usual. The limo driver was a tad on the crazy side, but we got there and back safely. Thank goodness for the ample crotch room in my cargo capris. The flask full 'o' Smirnoff fit there nicely. I didn't even get patted down... I guess they figure no one is carrying a gat to the Dave show. Hey, I could have been packing heat. They should be more cautious.
Classic moment was when we made the limo driver stop on the side of the jam-packed highway so 90% of could run off to the side of the road and pee. I have never pissed to the sound of raucous cheering before. Kinda made me feel proud and happy. I pee like a champion! Yay!
Saturday sucked. As you read above. In so much pain and then all of the sudden, it is 3pm, I feel better and antsy to get into the sunshine. So I toddled off to Hi-Tops, my least favorite bar but the only one I can get into since my friends work there and since I don't get my new ID until Tuesday or Wednesday. Everyone loaded. I didn't want to drink and Hi-Tops is the kind of bar you have to be loaded to enjoy or else you feel like something out of the murky depths is crawling on you. It's a dirty, dirty place chock-full of dirty, dirty people. That was half the appeal, but not my scene anymore. Keepin' it clean these days.
Bored at Hi-Tops, so I met the roomies at some random festival that I payed $7 to enter and stayed at 7 minutes. Kinda pissed since I am so damn broke. Had dinner. Came home. Lost motivation to go out, so I went to Priscilla's and chilled.
My new roommate Christine rules. She called Sunday morning and asked if I wanted to go to the Cubs game. I'm like "Fuck yeah!" so off we went. We got tix from her ex's dad (random) and they ended up being 6th row behind the Oakland A's dugout. I have never been so close to Corey Patterson. I wanted to Go-Go Gadget arms and grab his ass. We got tickets for Dan and Mike as well and had a great time, The 4 of us met some of my crew at Sports Corner after for a few drinks. Then off we went to some other festival (there are at least 3 festivals a weekend in Chicago during the summer) but this one featured Hairbangers Ball, the best 80's metal cover band EVER! I was blown away by them. Rock on!
My poor Mike. He is going through a rough time in his relationship, so we left and took a long walk home. I would walk through fire for Mike. In such a short time, he has become my best friend, and I truly adore him. We have the best talks and I feel so protective of him. I have always had great friends, but never anyone I can be so honest and open with. Someone I could call for any reason at any time. In the past 5 months, I have managed to find two such people and I thank God for them everyday. Molly and Mike... I love you guys.
And to Mike... it is going to be alright . You are an amazing guy and you deserve the best this life has to offer you. I love you, my brother.
This made me laugh. Hard. Thanks, Leon. He sent me a few I need to post at a later date. Great stuff, man.