Right now I am listening to Chris Rock "Never Scared" off my iTunes. It only took 7 hours to download, but damn, it was worth it. It's no "Bring The Pain" but I am still managing to titter here and there... so much so, the guy in the office next to me poked his head in my office and gave me a "what-the-fuck" look. The shit about Michael Jackson is priceless.
My hormones are out of control lately. I am not into drama. I sometimes get chastised for being way too blase. Yet lately, the littlest things seem to set me off. For example, last night, Mike was supposed to come home and pick me up so we could take the kegs back and I could get my deposit money. Well, I fell asleep and when I woke up, it was 8 and he still wasn't home. I call and he is out to dinner and says he won't be done for awhile. For some reason, the REALLY pissed me off. I guess I was feeling that some people in my life lately haven't been delivering on what they promised. So I chose to start yelling instead of meeting them out for a drink like they asked me to. I feel a bit lost lately. I know I make it seem like my life is all fun and parties, but deep down I am really lonely. I have let new people in my life, somewhat forsaking the old and now I am surrounded by people I don't know that well. That will all come with time, but for right now, I feel a bit out of place and out of sorts. I get home to my new, beautiful home, and I am there alone. No one comes home until after 11 most of the time... so I wander around, not knowing what to do with myself. Of course there are people I could call... but damn it, I want to enjoy this place right now. These new people. Do they not feel the same way about me? Get over it, whiner! I truly hope this mood shift is not health related. I don't think I could handle that right now.
So, I go and alienate the one person that I am getting the closest to lately. I texted him saying I need to talk and did not get a response. You know those moments where you feel like you have no control over your own emotions and that someone else's actions are completely dominating your mood? I hate that feeling, and I felt that way all last night.
What I wouldn't do for my mom's Chicken and Dumplings right now.
I came across this site a week ago. It made me tear up when I watched the animation reel. I originally moved to Chicago to get a degree from IADT in Multimedia and Motion Graphics. This would be the ultimate company to work for. This was my dream. Dreams have to shift, morph and evolve in order to keep you sane. Yes, I would love to work for a company like that. Be challenged everyday creatively. But that scenario also scares me. What if I don't have it in me anymore? Sometimes I struggle to come up with something creative for a fucking car ad for a newspaper. Shit. My brain has become mush.
I am going to snap out of this. I promise. And when I make a promise, I always keep it.
Here, this cheers me up. Yummy.