I don't PMS. I am a generally happy person. Not much gets me down. But why in the past week do I feel constantly on the verge of tears?
Do you ever feel like you value people more than they value you? You see more in them than they see in you? You think about them more often than they think about you? I feel like that is how some of my relationships have been lately. A little one-sided. Like I am the one putting all the effort in. It is hard showing someone what you are really feeling and what you are thinking because there is always that fear of rejection. See, I never really put my head up on that chopping block. I go through life a solitary traveler rather than facing someone rejecting me. I am not a risk taker. I rarely connect. I stay detached. That way no one ever gets close enough to burn you.
Wah wah wah, crying my a fucking river. Sorry to be so morose. I will surely snap out of it soon. I am just in a weird place where I don't recognize myself anymore. I am not sure what I stand for. In your late twenties, this is all quite normal. It is such a critical juncture in a person's life. Grow up or go out? Settle down or refusing to just settle? Prioritizing or socializing?
I just feel awkward in my own skin. That is the best way to explain it. Like I want to be anyone (well, not ANYONE) but me right now.
The sun will come out, tomorrow, but your bottom dollar that tomorrow, they'll be sun! Ok, snap out of it woman! Ah. Better. I still have my health.
This girl put a link to me on her journal. Not sure who she is, but thanks! That makes me feel all tingly inside. And tingly is goooooood.
Man, my life is flashing before my eyes. So fast! It was Monday, like, yesterday. I am not a fan of Fridays. "Not a FAN OF FRIDAYS?!?!?" you say. Yes, I say. They are rarely planned out in advance (which I hate, I am a planner!) so after work, I go home and sit around and wait for someone to tell me what we are doing. Then we go do it. I am so tired from the work week, that I knock out at about 1am. Lame-o. By Saturday, I have hit my stride. I run errands and hang out during the day and always have sometime fun planned for that night. Saturdays are my haven. But lately, Sunday has become the new Saturday. Sundays have been pretty gosh-darn fun in the past few months. LINE 'EM UP AGAIN. My job is fairly low-stress, so I don't dread Mondays like I used to. I feel free to savor my Sundays.
This weekend will be pretty blah. Most people are going out of town to be good little Christians with their families. Not me. Devil Spawn will be staying in town because A. I left my car at my parent's to avoid the Cubs parking hassle and 2. I am the Devil Spawn. In order to atone, I will be cooking a lovely feast for people with far-away families and Jews alike. So no ham. Plenty of chicken. Fresh mashed potatoes. Corn on the cob. Cheesecake. I am freakin' Mother Teresa, ya'll better recognize!
I need a back rub.
Oooh, oooh, oooh! I found my song. The Mountain Dew song. The one that was driving me crazy. It is called "Mundian Bach" by Panjabi MC. Thanks to some nerd's message board and my best friend Google, I found it at long last. I can sleep easy now.
I have noticed a lack of Cadbury Egg commericals. What is up with that? I wait all year to see one and then... nothin'. It's such bullshit! But I cheered up a lot when someone sent this to me yesterday. It made me weep with it's absolute adorableness.