I feel fine right now. Last night at 2:17 am, I didn't think that was going to be possible. Stuff was crawling on me. My body was turning inside out. I was humming a tune I have never heard before. The faucet was dripping in the kitchen, which is 500 feet from my bedroom... but I still heard it. Yet, as of this moment, I feel juuuuuuust fine.
I like to drink. Drinking makes me more outgoing. It lowers my inhibitions enough for me to shake it up on a stage. Smoking pot, on the other hand, makes me tired, paranoid and want some mother-grabbin' Nachos Bell Grande. I used to get high all the time in high school, during my "let's-wear-tie-dye-&-birkenstocks-and-follow-The-Dead-because-I-really-need-to-fit-in-somewhere-phase." Pot no longer does anything positive for me. I am immune to it's goodness. I think people that smoke pot all the time are pretty much wastes of skin... but...
I have not been sleeping well this past week, so when Kon's notoriously pot-packing friend stopped by, I figured... perfect! I'll have a few hits and a wonderful night's sleep. So, as I inhaled my way to a bedded bliss, I had some serious deja vu that forced me to stop talking and start staring at the fiber optic plant I bought at Wal-Mart. The lights were hypnotizing me. Then, like a cartoon, I shook my head *insert something Scooby Doo would do* and announced I was going to bed.
As I lay there, I felt weightless. I twisted and turned and squirmed for a bit, and every sensation on my body was magnified by one hundred. I was a serpent, slithering through a maze of jersey-knit softness.
Were these voices in my head screaming FREE PIZZA! ever going to go away? Slowly, I realized the voices echoing in my head were actually coming from outside. I slowly went from scared to angry. Hey! It's 11:23 on a beautiful Thursday night in Wrigleyville when tickets were going on sale and people were out celebrating. How dare people scream in front of my building when I live next door to a bar! Who did they think they were?
I looked out the window to realize that "Chicago Pizza" (real fucking original name, ya morons) had set up camp across the street, next to the Harry Caray statue, and they were doling out free pizza. Well, you would have thought the freaking circus had come to town, people were so damn excited. I was IRATE. I threw on my Wisconsin sweatshirt, donned my fuzzy leopard slippers and stomped my ass down one flight of stairs. I burst through both sets of doors and shrilly screamed, "People live here you know!!! Can you take that shit somewhere else???" They said "Sorry! Hey, do you want some FREE PIZZA???" I just made some old man shooing a fly gesture and ran my stoned ass back up them steps. I didn't want a piece of pizza. I just wanted peace!
I plopped back down on my bed, breathing heavily with my heart beating a mile a minute. Apparently, running up and down that one flight of stairs required a major effort. I thought about what a bitch I had been and that everyone was down at the front door, plotting the best way to kill me in my sleep. I got up and locked the door. I finally fell into a fitful sleep (what happened to weed making me sleep like a widdle baby?) and I woke up this morning, with a gasp, the effects worn off but the memories still fresh in my brain. What the hell was in that stuff?
I in no way, advocate the use of any type of recreational drug. Except alcohol. It often makes me prettier.
Speaking of being high... Mr. Joel Veitch of rathergood.com must have been pretty damn baked when he came up with all of his stuff, most recently those Quizno's commercials. Hey, I think they are marketing genius. Love them or hate them, at least you remember it and it puts Quizno's in your head. Smoke on, Brother Veitch! Here is the original before Joel pimped it to Quizno's.
****An update as requested by Jacob via my comments... I am not sure who Jacob is... but I am glad he is concerned about me... Ok, an update, which I should have put on the site, but got wrapped up in other nonsense... Kon still lives with us. We sat him down and really had it out. I am paid in full, way more than he owed me. I am not giving him another chance as my friend, but I need someone there to hold up a fourth of the rent for one more month. It's hard to explain, our relationship has been a rollercoaster, to say the least, and it is coming to a close, so I am parting ways as the bigger person. And he knows that. Hopefully this has taught him a lot. I have not included all the details, and this page has been a forum to rant about it when I was really angry. So thanks for letting me rant, ya'll.