February sucks.
Cold. Gray. Devoid of spark. Devoid of spontaneity. Want to go out. End up staying in. Need to move around. Lie on the bed instead. Tons of things to do. No will to do them.
I had this upsetting dream last night. I was the same size I am now, but people kept treating me like I was severely obese. Maybe because I watched Shallow Hall for the umpteenth time last night... or maybe it was because I am hanging out with these girls who have teeny-tiny widdle waists. Whatever it was, it spurred me to buy some illegal ephedra and some TrimSpa off some discount vitamin website this morning. What the hell has been going on lately? I feel like so much of my time has been spent concentrating on my figure... well really just thinking about it, but not doing anything to make it better. People around me have been so figure focused and diet focused and workout focused, I feel like that is all anyone fucking talks about anymore. I have exactly 2 1/2 months to look slammin' in a dress I bought for a friend's wedding. I just want to be self-confident. I am sick of not wanting to look at my naked self in the mirror and even more sick that everytime I do, I automatically grab my sides and thing "I would look so good if I didn't have this right here." I so do not want to be that girl. You know her. The one always in the mirror. The one who tries desperately to catch a glimpse of herself as she passes by a department store window. I flat out refuse to be that girl.
~@~
My weekend. Was eh. Just eh. Friday night was the highlight, like totally for sure! I went to a flippin' MONSTER TRUCK RALLY! But there was ever so much more to it! There was also some punk kids on ATVs and these Motor Cross guys that about made me wet my pants! I met some new, kick ass girls, which I am always in the market for. I watched a mechanical dinosaur rip a car in half. By golly, is there anything more splenderifourous than that? Hopefully sweet sweet Jo will have pictures posted soon so I can show you all the glory that is MONSTER JAM.
V-Day. Do I even feel the need to discuss? I am still writing, so I suppose so. *phrroagh!* First off, Heather and I watched "My Life," which is the saddest movie ever made (save Schindler's List). It was just the thing to completely depress us on a day where we were already pretty damn depressed. Then we did a little pre-game Kettle One consumption. Red Bull? Ephedra free? Bite me Illinois... I'll drive 30 minutes to Indiana to purchase "the good stuff."
Originally, we were supposed to attend Lot 41's Stupid Cupid Bash, but the line was just flat out ridiculous. So we ended up at the Marquee Lounge. Um, boooo-ring! So H and I headed over to Funk to harass my new roommate Theresa (the tiniest girl alive). I opened a tab (no-no!) and then decided to thrash around and taunt this slight blond guy who was entranced with my bountiful breasts.
It's all pretty hazy after that. But here comes the cringe-worthy part... I went on a DD spree. You know... DD. When you get highly intoxicated, it seems like a good idea to get on the phone and share your love with the world, or at least your exs or crushes. Or in my case... your best guy friend who you wish to remain platonic with because you don't know what you'd do without his friendship but whom you have a stronger undercurrent of feeling for and his grandfather just died so he is not even in the state but you decided to share the fact that you think you are falling in love with him with him. Did that make sense? I don't even think it makes sense to me, and I just got done writing it. Why oh why am I such an asshole when I drink? Why do I still drink if it makes me that much of an asshole? Now I am tiptoeing around, trying to avoid him, but I know I am going to run into him soon, and I am going to need to fight my urge to run.
So there you have it. My weekend. For better or worse, I lived through it all. I am way pumped for the impending weekend. Not pumped that my girl Molly is leaving for Korea for 6 weeks, but pumped that we are going to go all out to send her off with love. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do for her before she leaves? I want her to know how much we all love her while she is over there and how special she has become to all of us. Gack. Gag me. Sorry. Sappy today.
~@~
I was watching MTV almost all day on Sunday. I laid in my bed. I did nothing and it was everything I thought it could be. This show called Advance Warning was on and I thought "finally! MTV has a useful show! A show about music!" They feature up and coming artists. 2 of them really struck me, and I decided to download everything I could get my hands on from them yesterday. So, I recommend you check out Joss Stone (a 16 year old soul singer from the UK who is absolutely amazing) and Dizzie Rascal (Fix Up, Look Sharp is awesome! Love the beats! Amazing video that reminds me of iPod commericals. You can't understand what the fuck he is saying, but who cares???)