Everything is falling into place. Sort of. Why is it when i yearn for something to happen and it finally does, I am never fully satisfied? I love this job. It's easy. Everyone is laid back. I can take the train. I am finally on salary. I have time to chat and surf. It is everything I dreamed of when I was stuck in the empty void that was working at Lesman Instruments. Now I have to set my sights on something else to be miserable about.
This honor falls to my love life.
I am dating a few guys. One is very talented, sweet, attractive, and somehow I have ended up in a friends with benefits situation. I was really into him at first. Or maybe I was more into the IDEA of him. We both realized we weren't well-suited to have a real relationship, but there is some sexual chemistry there that is pretty undeniable. I wanted to have a relationship with this guy... or maybe just with any guy.
I don't understand why this keeps happening. The guy and I go out a few times. They are all about me, then little by little, they seem to lose interest. I am always myself. I don't get clingy. My behavior is consistent. Is this my problem or theirs? Are the afraid to commit to something more long-term? Should I take this personally?
Take the other guy I am dating. Sweet, attractive, great body, not really my type and a little odd, but we get along well. We met under strange circumstances and the beginning of our first date was awkward, but once the martini's kicked in, I realized I really liked him. Things went farther than they should of that first night, but lo and behold, he called the next day. Took me out a few more times and we always had a great time. Now I feel like I always have to call him and I HATE that. Why can't I just be pursued, damn it. Why does this keep happening?
It has been this way since I moved to Chicago, with about 6 guys.
We go out the first time, we get along great, he seems to be all about me, we go out again, then they just seem to fade away.
I know at least on one occasion, the guy thought I was too much of a partier. Well, I guess I was in the summer, but I am ready to find someone to chill and rent movies with, damn it! I am 26. Young, yet I feel like everyone has someone but me.
A light at the end of the tunnel...
I went on yet another first date last night. I thought he was really cute. So smart. Funny. Very verbose. Tall. Great conversationalist. So we'll see.