Where do I see myself in five years? Well five years ago, I saw myself married, living in San Diego with one child on the way. My husband was 6'4, I owned my own design studio and I was raking in about $80,000. And now? Not even close. So I had to rearrange my priorities. I had to face some hard truths. I have it pretty good... but living in across from Wrigley Field with 3 guys and making about half of what I thought isn't anywhere on the map of where I saw myself that distant five years ago. I was supposed to have it all figured out by now. Do I? Um, not so much.
Hey now, I am having a blast. But last night I got an invitation for a close friends wedding. This will be the sort of wedding you can't show up alone to and when all of my friends from college are either married, engaged, or in a serious relationship... just the thought of flying solo made me panic. So I have until May 1st to find someone to accompany me to a wedding where I will be seeing people I have not laid eyes on since graduation. I am a little wiser. A little more mature. Definitely happier. But now I am single. I was always the one with a man. I have come to realize I don't need a relationship to define who I am, but it would still be nice to show up with some hot-box draped on my (thinner by then) arm.
What have I been doing since I saw these people last? Moving to AZ. Moving back. falling out of love. Moving to Indy. Moving to Chicago. Making an awesome group of friends. Finding a job that I love. Not too shabby. But if I truly had it my way...
First off, I am infatuated with Vince Vaughn. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man. So if I had it my way, we would have a whirlwind romance...
and he would propose
with a rock that was about 5 carats. I am not too into jewelry. I have lost about every piece I have ever purchased, so I would pretty much have to insure that bitch and make sure it was welded to my finger. Vince and I would move to Hawaii
and have the most spectacular backyard
where he would give me massages and spoon-feed me Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby. I would be rich enough for lipo, so I would gorge myself on whatever I damn well pleased. I would also taking up surfing to keep my shit tight. I would cruise the island in my Benz
but...
There is no where I'd rather be than out on the water, so Vince and I would buy a yacht
and we would sail back and forth from Hawaii to LA so we could go to the Oscars and all that other Hollywood horseshit. I am not sure yet if I want to have kids, so while we were thinking it over, we would get a puppy
I would love my puppy, but I think I would get bored living out on that island, so I would spice it up by buying myself a few other pets.
Sure my life would be glamourous. Exciting. Filled with amazing sex. But I think 'ol Vince's luster would wear off. So on one of my many trips to LA, I would run (literally) into Conan O'Brien.
The sparks would fly. And he would be mine. I never liked redheads AT ALL, but there is just something about him. I am a simple woman at heart. I need to be back in the states. Conan would be sick of the rat race. So we would escape to Tennessee... to a simple country home.
We would sit on the porch, teaching our dog to play the banjo...
... and we would spend Saturday mornings fishing...
Conan and I don't need much. Just a maid, a few million and our mutual love of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. We would grow old together. He would make me laugh until I peed my Depends.
Ah. I am a dork. But it's Friday and I am out to pass some time up in this bitch so I can go off and do more important things. Like taking a nap. And then drinking. Hope you all have a great weekend. I'll see you on Monday.